Donald Wickham’s Blog

Exploring Relationships and Other Life Foundations

Donald Wickham’s Blog header image 4

The Battle We Are In

March 5th, 2010 by Donald Wickham
Respond

This is another quote from Missional Renaissance: Changing the Scorecard for the church” by Reggie McNeal.  It spoke a lot to me as I read it.

In the second film based on C.S. Lewis’s Chronicles of Narnia, subtitled Prince Caspian, Peter and his younger siblings are transported back to Narnia to fight another battle against evil, this time to liberate the Narnians from the infringing Telmarines.  When Aslan finally shows up, he offers a chance for new beginnings for those who want to be transported to our earth.  At a climactic moment, King Peter realizes that his job is done.  He hands his sword to Prince Caspian, a clear signal that Caspian is the new ruler.  Peter departs Narnia, leaving Caspian in charge.

As I reflected on this scene, I realized how it captures much of the dynamic of the required leadership for the missional movement. (And any others, I might add!) Like Peter, we have been summoned to a conflict that predates us and involves many players, some not from this world.  Our decision to engage the forces at work inspires those who are trapped in a binding evil.  They dare to believe that things can be different.  The outcome of battle is secure, but it does not mean that we escape injury and harm in prosecuting the fight.  We have our role, our moment, but our part is transitory.  From the time of our initial engagement, the plan always is to hand off the gains and struggles to others.

The fight is not about us.  It is not our kingdom.  We labor for a King whose intentions are sometimes hidden.  Yet he is committed to the struggle and has joined the battle himself.  Knowing this grants meaning to our strivings and perseverance to carry on.  We push forward in the face of both mystery and certainty.  Just hearing “well done” from the King is reward enough.

(Note:  I’m reading on my Kindle and it doesn’t have page numbers. )

Tags:   · · · · · · · No Comments.

Lots of conferences and training – Worth it?

March 2nd, 2010 by Donald Wickham
Respond

Check out Dan Miller’s blog Is this a Scam? He says it well.  This is particularly close to me as I’ve done the same over the last 3+ years.

Bottom Line: There’s less risk from getting “Scammed” than there is from doing nothing.

Tags:   · · · No Comments.

Missional Renaissance #3

February 19th, 2010 by Donald Wickham
Respond

I have continued to read “Missional Renaissance: Changing the Scorecard for the church” by Reggie McNeal.  Here are more quotes that spoke to me as I have been reading.

Help church members see their existing community involvement, including the work they do for a living, as primary opportunities for ministry.  You will do this by increasing the amount of time you spend celebrating people’s everyday ministry in your gatherings.

Shift the question from “What are our building needs?” to “How can we build buildings that bless our community and then figure out a way for the church to use them?”

We can no longer think and act like club members; we must think and act like missionaries.

“How can we use what we already have to bless the community?”  The typical church has thick policy manuals aimed at keeping the community out of its buildings.  The missional church figures out ways to serve the community with the facilities it has.

Your scorecard for your congregation or ministry should reflect your own vision and values.  It needs to support what you are trying to accomplish and how you are going about getting it done.

The Lord spoke to me.  It was in the form of a question: “Are people better off being a part of this church, or are they just tireder and poorer?”

I realized that I had no way of gauging people’s personal growth; I only had ways to measure their church involvement.

I could tell how busy people were with church but not how their lives were going.

We have operated off the faulty assumption that if people participate in our church programs, they will grow and develop personally.

This shift is a challenge because it moves us to a place where our work is never done!

Developing people requires building relationships, not just delivering a product or service.

This turns our external ministry from being just another program of engaging church people in activity into engaging them with people as God’s partner in his redemptive mission.

God is not more interested in developing people inside the church than those outside it.

We do not share the heart of God with the world because we do not have the heart of God.  This heart transplant does not occur by participation in church activities.  It comes from being in a vibrant, growing relationship with God.

Americans outsourced spiritual formation to the church.

Loving God and loving our neighbors cannot be fulfilled at church.  Being salt and light cannot be experienced in a faith huddle.  Engaging the kingdom of darkness requires storming it, not habitually retreating into a refuge.

Can you even imagine a world where you had to select from only the cars in stock, buy computers off the shelf, figure out when lattes were being served, have to purchase an entire CD to get one song you really want and then sit in front of fixed speakers to hear it, and arrange your life to accommodate the TV broadcast schedule so you can watch your favorite show?  No way!  That world would be archaic, like the 1980s.

It would be kind of like trying to fit your life into the program church.  Or trying to imagine that your life rhythms and developmental preferences would match the schedule and options of church programming.  Truth is, for anyone not already accustomed to this culture, it just doesn’t have an appeal or even make sense.  Bible study available for one hour a week, Sundays only?  With a group of people that someone else chose for you?  Worship confined to a corporate schedule put together by people who don’t have Sunday jobs (except at church)?  And why is it again that I have to wait till September to form a small group or gain permission for a church leader to involve a non-church person in a ministry effort to the homeless?  And participate in only one church’s ministry?  Weird, huh?  But it feels normal to many of us who have spent our entire lives in it.

Post-moderns do not know why they should have to search for God on church time and church real estate.  Nor do people automatically believe that other people know that’s best for them or that one organization can meet all their spiritual needs.

People often ask me, “Doesn’t this customization feed the consumer church economy?”  The answer would be yes if we were trying to sell a product (which the program-driven church often is).  But the “product” and “Purchase” we are after in this case is a Jesus follower who is more convinced and more intentional than ever to pursue the life Jesus wants for the person.  That’s hardly a consumerist outcome!

—————————————————————

I will continue to pass on more as I read.

(Note:  I’m reading on my Kindle and it doesn’t have page numbers.  These quotes are in the order they are presented in the book.)

Tags:   · · · · · · · No Comments.

Missional Renaissance 2

February 13th, 2010 by Donald Wickham
Respond

I have continued to read “Missional Renaissance: Changing the Scorecard for the church” by Reggie McNeal.  Here are more quotes that spoke to me as I have been reading.

——————————————————————————-

In a church-centric world, our responsibility is to bring people out of the streets into the church.  A kingdom-oriented approach seeks to leverage the gospel into people’s lives right where they live, work and play.

People don’t go to church: they are the church.  They don’t bring people to church; they bring the church to people.

The church is a connector, linking people to the kingdom life that God has for them.  Substituting church activity as the preferred life expression is as weird as believing that airports are more interesting than the destinations they serve.

The role of the church is simply this: to bless the world.  In doing this, the people of God reveal God’s heart for the world.

The church has turned evangelism into some kind of activity or program that we train people to engage in rather than recognizing evangelism as a natural by-product of a Jesus follower’s life.  When evangelism is a program, it often involves questionable methods that commoditize Jesus and Christianity and frequently involve some ploy to get people to convert to church.  People don’t want to do it; if they did, we wouldn’t have to work so hard to recruit them or guilt them into working on their evangelism efforts.

I urge congregations and people to develop a blessing strategy.

We don’t own the blessings of God, and we sure don’t get to decide who deserves them.  The clear biblical teaching is that God blesses everyone because that’s just who he is and what he likes to do.

To practice the blessing life, you will need to believe God, not just believe in God.  There’s a huge difference between the two.

We have to believe that God has the ability to draw people to himself through these blessing encounters.

Incarnational believers search for ways to connect not just to each other but to the world beyond the church.  They look for ways to help people discover and live out their faith in the spaces they already occupy.

In the attractional model, worship easily becomes the show, perpetuating the unwarranted and mistaken notion that what happens when the church gathers represents the vitality of its mission.  In reality, the gathering may just be the celebration of a few gifted people exercising their gifts while other people watch, a practice that has led to religious consumerism.  The true vitality of a congregation rests in the abundant lives of its participants and in the blessed lives in the community it serves.

The worship gathering, for instance, celebrates life beyond the gathering.  Followers of Jesus gather to share tales of God’s work in the world.  They bring their stories of how God has shown up and shown off in their own life experience with others.  These encounters are trophies of praise to God and expressions of encouragement to others who are on their own journeys of engagement with God and with the world.

The pastor uses their stories to launch into spiritual themes, pointing to the God story behind each of their stories.

It ultimately measures its accomplishments by the quality of life of those in the faith community and the people they serve.

Tell stories in sermons and on your web site about life away from the church and how people bless others.

We’ve spent so much time in the attractional church trying to get the community to connect to us; now we need to learn how to connect to the community.

The missional church is made up of missionaries, who are playing the big game every day.  They live their lives with the idea that they are on a mission trip.  On mission trips, people focus on the work of God around them, alert to the Spirit’s prompting, usually serving people in very tangible ways, often in ways that involve some sacrifice or even discomfort.  Life on mission is more intentional and more integrated.  While the concerns of life (family, work, leisure) are pursued, they are part of a larger story being played out for the missionary.

They have that quality of “abundance” that comes only from living a life of an intentional blessing agent of the kingdom of God.

God had a mission in mind that everyone could participate in, a far cry from a member culture that gathers on Sunday to watch a few people exercise their gifts.

The missional church recognizes a different dynamic at work.  Missional Jesus followers believe that the way they demonstrate love and service will intrigue people to pursue getting to know the God who inspires such service.

Jesus followers live the truth; they don’t just study it.  Because of this, others are invited into truth and life.

The pain comes when reality breaks through that much of what it takes to “do church” has very little to do with Jesus.

Intriguingly, the upshot of this focus was that the socialization process was so effective that most churches could cut people off from their previous relationships within two years, replacing the old ties with a new “family.”  Of course, this hurt the church’s chances of evangelizing along relational lines.  How’s that for mission?

The missional emphasis involves connecting with people where they live and deploying them as kingdom agents in their natural settings and established relational networks.  The connecting and deployment modality also implies an agenda of connecting Jesus followers with each other to engage in an external focus by deploying to serve people in the community.

The point of that group is to be connected to God, to each other, and to the world.

It has a much richer grounding in the biblical notion of worship as acts of honor in recognition of God’s worthiness and in acts of obedience to him.  The offering of obedience to bless others as the people of God is considered an act of worship.

Whole families will work together and often with other whole families during the day.

The focus of the gathering in missional communities is primarily to celebrate the work of God in the life of the community, mainly through hearing stories of what God is doing right now in the lives of those present and in their relationships with others.

Worship is seen as the extension of normal routines, not something that is a discontinuity with the rest of the week.

They are covenantal and highly transformational, meaning that the participants are engaged with each other to encourage personal spiritual development and engaged with people around them as blessing agents.

The members of his community make five promises to each other in covenant: to be authentic, to serve a cause greater than themselves, to create community, to be generous and practice hospitality, and to work righteously as a way of being sent by God into the world.

In your personal life as a Jesus follower you need to determine whether or not your life is opened up to the world God wants to bless through you.

Prayer may be the most untapped and underused resource available to the church for accomplishing its mission.  Let’s face it, most of the praying that goes on in many ministry organizations and congregations is spent on members and member activities.

I frequently ask spiritual leaders what they are doing that they see God doing.  Learning to see God, to hear him is the real object of prayer.  Its major objective is not to inform him or bend him to our purposes.  The result of praying is to attenuate us to God’s will and God’s work going on all around us.  If we ask God to show us what he sees, he will! And it will change us.

I will continue to pass on more as I read.

(Note:  I’m reading on my Kindle and it doesn’t have page numbers.  These quotes are in the order they are presented in the book.)

Tags:   · · · · · · · · · · · · · · No Comments.

Missional Renaissance Part 1

January 27th, 2010 by Donald Wickham
Respond

I have been reading “Missional Renaissance: Changing the Scorecard for the church” by Reggie McNeal.  It is really resonating with me.  Here are quotes that spoke to me as I have been reading.

The perception of outsiders will change only when Christians strive to represent the heart of God in every relationship and situation.

They (churches) don’t focus beyond the church to be culturally hip.  They make this shift because the new direction defines who they are.

Much of their calendar space, financial resources, and organizational energy is spent on people who are not a part of their organization.

Today, people learn at their own speed, on their own time, at their own convenience.

These assumptions (held by churches for eons) are that people will be better off if they just participate in certain activities and processes that the church or organization has sanctioned for its ministry agenda.

The answer is that achieving abundant life will require intentional personal development.

We must change our ideas of what it means to develop a disciple, shifting the emphasis from studying Jesus and all things spiritual in an environment protected from the world to following Jesus into the world to join him in his redemptive mission.

…realizing that there is no such thing as spiritual growth apart from relationship health…

… church membership or some level of involvement in a local congregation will no longer be the primary spiritual expression of missional followers of Jesus.

No one can legitimately claim that our current model produces vibrant disciples.  North American church attendees lack the caliber and character of disciples that we see in many other parts of the world.

Clearly, the move away from affiliation is not a move away from God.  It does signal a disaffection for the institutional church that is changing the spiritual landscape drastically—and quickly.

The movement founded by Jesus was largely a marketplace phenomenon, an organic connection among people who were experiencing a way of life together.  The early days of the movement focused on simple teachings of Jesus, with particular attention to living lives of sacrifice and service to one another and to one’s neighbor.

The spiritual expression of Jesus followers was not characterized by a set of religious activities layered on top of other interests.  Jesus invaded all areas of life.  Church was not an event or a place; it was a away of life.

The spirituality the world needs must be robust enough to engage people where they live, work and play.

Their devotion to God is lived out in their determination to bless and to develop people who are made in his image.

…they will also have to demonstrate in their lives what it is they want people to do.

But be careful—once you start down this path, it will ruin you to the old world (way of doing things.)

Missional followers of Jesus don’t belong to a church.  They are the church.  Wherever they are, the church is present. Church is not something outside of themselves that they go to or join or support; it’s something they are.

Thinking about church in who mode focuses on what it means to be the people of God.  The central task is developing great followers of Jesus, believing that God has created people to demonstrate his redemptive intentions to the world in and through them.  This perspective frames an agenda so that the community of faith may encourage all its members to be faithful to God and to his mission as they live out being the church in the world.

Congregations often wind up inventing something that does not reflect the heart of God.  Then they ask God to bless them in their efforts, a mission that he had no hand in framing and has no heart for.

The missional church is the people of God partnering with God in his redemptive mission in the world.

Our job is not to “do church” well but to be the people of God in an unmistakable way in the world.

We are to be different in the hope we offer, in the grace we exhibit and in the obvious sacrifice of love we display in dealing with others.

Our “thereness” is what the world needs.  It needs the church to be there, addressing every brokenness caused by sin, reflecting the heart of God to the world as partners in his redemptive mission.

Still other missional Jesus followers will live out their missional expression in the marketplace of in some life hobby where they spend a good deal of time and have built significant relationships.

The missional follower of Jesus cannot conceive of their spiritual identity outside of being in accountable and encouraging relationships with other Jesus followers.  Church is not a part of life for the missional Jesus follower; it is a way of life with others who are on a similar journey.

It is a way of seeing oneself as partnering with God in daily life, executing the mundane as well as pursuing the sublime, with an intentionality of blessing people and sharing the life of God with them.

God chose to embody his blessing in a people who were to show the world who he is and what he wants them to enjoy.

God’s people reveal his heart to the world by declaring God’s person and story to the world and by demonstrating a way of life he intended people to enjoy.

Jesus can’t describe his mission any plainer that this.  He wants to help people get a life!

His kind of living substituted service for self-aggrandizement and trumped self-absorption by paying attention to others’ needs.

Not telling people the truth doesn’t serve them fully even if you love them.  Telling people the truth without loving them hardly encourages them to embrace it.

When the people of God act like the people of God, we actually help people see God.

People deserve to be blessed simply because they are people, not just so we can “witness” to them.

God’s mission is redemptive.  The welfare of people created in his image captures the heart and imagination of God.

Ever since the Word became flesh, the conversation about God has never been the same.  He is now having a new conversation with the church.

The popple of God play an important role in the mission of god.

God created a people to be his partner in his redemptive mission.  In that exchange, God initiates a covenantal relationship, meaning that the people of God have responsibilities to be the people of God.

The church that claims to be the people of God must submit itself to the role of participating in the mission of God in the world.

They are creating other ways of living their faith,  some in missional communities and others in marketplace expression.

Missional is not a place you arrive at but a direction in which you are moving.  It is a way of being in the world.

…their church’s vision is to love God and love others in profound ways.  They were willing to stake the “evidence of this vision” as being “seen through our demonstrated acts of service.”

I will continue to pass on more as I read.

(Note:  I’m reading on my Kindle and it doesn’t have page numbers.  These quotes are in the order they are presented in the book.)

Tags:   · · · · · · · 1 Comment

Forcing God to act

January 15th, 2010 by Donald Wickham
Respond

Have you every tried to get God to do something?  To give an answer or to take some action?  Come on, sure you have.  I know I have.   I think we do this a lot more than we think we do.  Perhaps unconsciously, but nevertheless, we try.

We search the Bible for how to get God to act.  We look for the “secret” that must be in there, don’t we?  After all, the Bible says that Elijah was a man, just like us, and he prayed and it didn’t rain for some 3 years.  So all we have to do is find out how Elijah prayed and pray that way and God has to come thru, doesn’t he?

We also look to rituals for the answer.  If we read so many chapters, or pray for so many minutes (or hours), or fast for so many days, God will have to answer, won’t he?  Why do people do pilgrimages?  Or even go into Christian service.  Some are trying to get God to do something for them.  It might just be trying to get God to accept and love them.  But it is still trying to force God to do something.

I’m in a season where God is being fairly quiet, as far as speaking to me.  I find myself getting anxious and looking around for what I need to do to get him to respond to me.  Maybe read the Bible more, pray more etc.  It really comes down to fear and trust.  Do I trust that my Father wants what’s best for me?  And that he is fully capable to do it?  That he loves me completely and accepts me?  Or do I need some response from him to make me feel secure?  That is fear driving me, not trust.

Jesus tells us to just ask.  To be specific as we ask but then trust not only that our Father hears but that he will provide and act in the best for us.

Can we come to him and let him decide how he will respond?  The when and the how?  Letting him be God?  Trusting him.  I choose to.

Tags:   · · · · · · No Comments.

Seeking a Word from God

January 1st, 2010 by Donald Wickham
Respond

As we begin a new year, many folks take time to pray and ask God for a “word” for the year, for His directions.  I know that I do.  And this is always a good thing to do.  But I have sensed some cautions.

The first is in the asking for that word or direction.  I’ve seen folks so focused on getting a word that they end up open to getting misled.  This has happened to me.  We are desperate to hear, to get instructions.  Almost a “give me a word or I’ll die”.  We fast, make promises, almost anything to get the Word.  We are trying to force God to speak to us.  This is a very dangerous posture.  The focus is on us, on being or getting control, trying to manipulate God to speak.  So we become open to any word, from God or not.  And, since we have been asking God for a word, we accept that what we hear must be from Him.  And that is how we end up deceived.  God will not be manipulated, not by our actions or desperation.

Another caution is our tendency to get a word from God and then take it and run with it.  Like we ask at the beginning of the year or a project, get the one word and say to God, thanks, see you next year.  I know that for me, I do this all too often.  As an example let’s say the word for the year is “Change”.  So from then on I’ll continually look for things that need to be changed.  Like it is my job to make this happen.  Any changes that come I immediately accept because God said this is a year of change.  No discernment needed.  What a mess this opens me up to.

A third problem is that we ask God so we can decide if it’s what best for us.  Since we aren’t sure we can trust God to give us good things, we are really just asking His opinion and we will measure it against what we want to do or what we feel is best for us.  With this approach, is it any wonder we rarely hear anything?

Here are some of my thoughts on how to avoid these difficulties.

  1. Come to Father God seeking Him first.  Seeking a relationship with Him.  Letting Him design that relationship according to how He wants it to be.  Asking for words and directions that He wants for us.  And accepting silence as well as a word.  Trusting that He will provide whatever we need, including directions, at the very best time.
  2. Continue to ask the “next” question when Father gives a word or instruction.  We need to know when to do something He tells us.  And how, and with who.  Stay in relationship.  Stay close, leaning into Him.  He doesn’t say “Go learn baseball”.  He says, “Come with Me and I’ll teach you baseball”.
  3. Remember that He is God and I am not!  That He loves me as I am and only wants what is best for me.  And as I grow in that love, I, too, will begin to love, sacrificially instead of just focusing on me.  Others need that love, too.
  4. Saying “Yes” before He tells us what.  That is really the essence of trust.

So let’s ask while we press into His love, trusting Him.

Tags:   · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · 3 Comments

Pass it on

December 19th, 2009 by Donald Wickham
Respond

A simple, but profound, idea: Take what you know and pass it on to others!  (2 Tim 1.1-2).

And might I add a corollary?  Receive from others with grace and pass it on as well.

For those who don’t think they have anything to pass on, don’t believe that lie.  God didn’t make any mistakes.  Not a single one.  He encourages us to ask Him.  So ask.  And share.  Please.

Tags:   · · · · · No Comments.

Why “Our” Father instead of “My” Father?

December 12th, 2009 by Donald Wickham
Respond

When Jesus gave us an example of prayer, we call it the “Lord’s Prayer”, he started it with “Our Father”.  He could have told us to pray “My Father” and that would be true and very comforting.  To know, and live, with the truth that God is our Father, our Dad.  That he knows us completely and loves us.  But Jesus didn’t.  He said “Our”.

One of our major challenges, especially us men, is that we isolate.  We believe we are on our own and life is up to us to figure out.  And we take this tendency into our relationship with Jesus.  It’s “me and you, Jesus”.  Our focus, if we even think about it me centered with Jesus added on.  Now I’m not negating the importance of each of us needing to make an individual, personal, acceptance of Christ into our life, nor the need to be independently dependent on Holy Spirit.  What I’ve been coming to recognize, more and more, is the importance of “Our”.

As Jesus was facing his last hours before his death, he prayed for his followers (including us!).  He could have prayed about so many things.  But in Jesus’ last extended prayer in John 17, he really bore down on unity, oneness and being like the Godhead.  I find that very, very intriguing.  Since this oneness, we often call this community, is so important to him, shouldn’t it be important to us as well?  I think so.

So, as I, and I hope, we, move into this refocusing away from “myself” to “us”, what might that look like?

  • Choosing to live in “Our” even though we don’t really know what that looks like.  Not waiting for God to show us how to do it so we can then decide if we “like” that.  Choosing now to live in community, unity and oneness however God leads each group to live.
  • Praying for others.  Letting Holy Spirit guide us on what is on his heart and what he is doing in others’ lives and praying about that.
  • Letting Jesus deal with our “stuff” so we are more enjoyable for others to be around.  And when our stuff causes some conflict, and it sure will, learning to not take offence and be quick to forgive.  And asking other for forgiveness.
  • Choosing to join with others intimately.  Oy, that word again.  Us guys are not very comfortable with that word but let’s move past that.  To live in close relationship, knowing others and being known by them.  Letting Holy Spirit transform us “together”.   Being there for others.  Finding that small band of fellow travelers that God wants us to join with.  And letting the power that small group provides, flow into the larger gatherings of believers.
  • Living in this newness humbly without looking down on those who haven’t yet experienced the joys we are learning to relish.  Inviting them in, not condemning or pushing.
  • Asking Holy Spirit for insights and revelations to share with others for their encouragement.  Sharing the gifts God had placed in me for the benefit of others and for God’s glory.

I think there is a lot more opportunity for living in “us” instead of “me”.  I look forward to seeing how Father reveals it for us.

Tags:   · · · · · · · · · No Comments.

Holidays – Joy or Stress

December 4th, 2009 by Donald Wickham
Respond

As we enter the Christmas holiday season there seems to be two, quite opposite, feelings that are evoked.  For some, there is great excitement and joy.  But for others, it is a time of stress and even depression.  I’d like to focus on the latter response and look at some causes and how those of us in that place, like me, can not just cope but turn it around.

Some causes of Christmas stress

  • Guilt – For those of us who enjoy giving gifts to others, not having planned our finances such that we can do so leads to guilt and condemnation.  Another is not paying attention to or knowing our family members well enough to know what they would like to receive.  And the media plays upon this trying to guilt us into extending (credit) beyond our means.  We also feel guilty about wanting gifts.  And fear disappointment about what we get or don’t get.
  • Obligation – Some of us were raised with the obligation to give, primarily to family members, whether we wanted to or not.  The giving is a requirement.  I contend that “giving” that is required isn’t giving at all but payment!  No joy in that.
  • Loss or separation from loved ones – For those who have lost loved ones during past holidays, each reoccurrence of the holiday is a stark reminder of that loss.  For those who have enjoyed spending time with loved ones over the holidays and those loved ones have moved too far away, there is a grieving of that loss as well.
  • Family duties – Then there are those family get-togethers from hell.  Even though there is little or no love, perhaps even anger or hatred towards some family members, we still have to put on a happy face and get together.  We’d rather have a root canal (apologizes to any dentists).

I’m sure there are other things that add to the stresses or depressions.  So what is a guy to do when he is NOT looking forward to the Christmas holidays?

First an observation that came to me last week.  As I looked at the causes above and my reactions I realized that it was all “me” focused.  “I” feel guilty.  “I” feel obligated.  “I” miss our kids.  “I” don’t want to go…  “I” don’t like to decorate the Christmas tree or put up the lights.  All me, my, mine.

The first step out is to recognize how much this season causes me to turn inward.  As I’ve been recognizing this I have a choice, continue in “me” or start turning around and looking at how I might help others have more joy in Christmas.  I chose the latter.

And accepting that I can set boundaries on my heart and time.  So here are some of the choices and actions I’m taking to not just cope this holiday season but to thrive.

  • My wife loves to decorate the house for the holidays.  So I’ve done what she asked me to do and then went and did more.  For her.
  • I will attend the church Christmas dinner and look for ways to encourage and bless those that are there.
  • I will share my story with others who might be struggling.
  • I’m looking at purchases for myself that I can give up in order to have some money to spend on others.  And I’ll look for creative gifts, within my budget, that will be a joy and blessing to those who receive them.

After all, Jesus chose to give up His place in Heaven to come to earth for our benefit.  And I want to be more and more like Him.  So I chose to let my heart be lifted by His grace and let that put a happy face on me that is real.

Tags:   · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · No Comments.