Donald Wickham’s Blog

I’ve been reading “transforming together – Authentic Spiritual Mentoring” by Ele Parrott.  I’m finding it very helpful.  Lots to chew on.  Note that she is writing from her experience mentoring women.  Her insights, however, I believe are valid for men as well.  This is an excerpt on active listening.  Something I need to become better at doing.

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Our objective as spiritual mentors is to come alongside of another, partnering with who the Holy Spirit is being in her life by infusing truth into her reality…period.  The focus is to always remain on Jesus, not on us.  We are to take the other person to Jesus, to make her independently dependent on Him.  They are to become followers of Jesus, not followers of us.

Active listening helps us to be effective junior partners to the Holy Spirit.  How?  By not short-circuiting who the Spirit is being in the lives of others.  When we say, “Oh, I know just how you feel,” we short-circuit the Holy Spirit in their lives.  Why?  Because we are assuming the role of someone far greater than ourselves.  We are usurping the position of the Holy Spirit!  Only the Holy Spirit knows exactly how one feels.  We many have very good intentions in saying that we know.  But we don’t know.  We are unable to know.  Only God knows and we must partner with Him for the good of the mentee and the glory of God.

Being a spiritual mentor is serious stuff!  It’s not flitting into a room full of other women gathered around round tables.  It’s not viewing a DVD together and then breaking into groups to talk about it.  It’s not going on a weekend retread and sharing morning devotions.  It’s so much more, so much deeper, so much more effective, and so much more honoring to God.  It is partnering with the Holy Spirit in the life of another person.  And that is amazing.

But there is responsibility in the call.  And becoming an active listener is very useful, very helpful tool to employ when mentoring another.

After allowing the person who is sharing to thoroughly “empty out” without making any comments in response, the active listener further enhances what the Holy Spirit desires to accomplish in the sharer’s life by asking insightful questions.  Insightful questions are questions that help the sharer better understand herself or the situation.  Insightful questions are not to be used to gather unnecessary information for ourselves about the mentee.  At times there is a fine line between the two, but the motivation of asking the question should be to clarify what the person has said, not to satisfy your own curiosity.

I’d like to give you a list of clarifying questions that you may want to memorize.  These are open-ended questions that help you as you partner with the Holy Spirit in the lives of your mentees.

• “Would you like to tell me more?”  (This is always good to ask before making the assumption that the mentee is finished sharing.)
• “How does [fill-in-the-blank] make you feel? (Succinctly restate what you thought you just heard.)
• “What are your options in this situation?”
• “How do you find yourself praying about this?”
• “What do you think Jesus is trying to teach you through this?”
• “How can you glorify God in this situation?”  (This, by far, is a very valuable question to ask.  It takes away the “why” of the situation and replaces it with a “how.”  This is exactly what the Holy Spirit would like us to choose to do.)

Pgs 89-91

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Any thoughts or comments?  To us all becoming better listners.

Tags:   active listening · active listner · Ele Parrott · glorify God · Holy Spirit · Jesus · partners · reality · responsibility · Spiritual Mentoring · transforming together · truth1 Comment