Donald Wickham’s Blog

As we enter the Christmas holiday season there seems to be two, quite opposite, feelings that are evoked.  For some, there is great excitement and joy.  But for others, it is a time of stress and even depression.  I’d like to focus on the latter response and look at some causes and how those of us in that place, like me, can not just cope but turn it around.

Some causes of Christmas stress

• Guilt – For those of us who enjoy giving gifts to others, not having planned our finances such that we can do so leads to guilt and condemnation.  Another is not paying attention to or knowing our family members well enough to know what they would like to receive.  And the media plays upon this trying to guilt us into extending (credit) beyond our means.  We also feel guilty about wanting gifts.  And fear disappointment about what we get or don’t get.
• Obligation – Some of us were raised with the obligation to give, primarily to family members, whether we wanted to or not.  The giving is a requirement.  I contend that “giving” that is required isn’t giving at all but payment!  No joy in that.
• Loss or separation from loved ones – For those who have lost loved ones during past holidays, each reoccurrence of the holiday is a stark reminder of that loss.  For those who have enjoyed spending time with loved ones over the holidays and those loved ones have moved too far away, there is a grieving of that loss as well.
• Family duties – Then there are those family get-togethers from hell.  Even though there is little or no love, perhaps even anger or hatred towards some family members, we still have to put on a happy face and get together.  We’d rather have a root canal (apologizes to any dentists).

I’m sure there are other things that add to the stresses or depressions.  So what is a guy to do when he is NOT looking forward to the Christmas holidays?

First an observation that came to me last week.  As I looked at the causes above and my reactions I realized that it was all “me” focused.  “I” feel guilty.  “I” feel obligated.  “I” miss our kids.  “I” don’t want to go…  “I” don’t like to decorate the Christmas tree or put up the lights.  All me, my, mine.

The first step out is to recognize how much this season causes me to turn inward.  As I’ve been recognizing this I have a choice, continue in “me” or start turning around and looking at how I might help others have more joy in Christmas.  I chose the latter.

And accepting that I can set boundaries on my heart and time.  So here are some of the choices and actions I’m taking to not just cope this holiday season but to thrive.

• My wife loves to decorate the house for the holidays.  So I’ve done what she asked me to do and then went and did more.  For her.
• I will attend the church Christmas dinner and look for ways to encourage and bless those that are there.
• I will share my story with others who might be struggling.
• I’m looking at purchases for myself that I can give up in order to have some money to spend on others.  And I’ll look for creative gifts, within my budget, that will be a joy and blessing to those who receive them.

After all, Jesus chose to give up His place in Heaven to come to earth for our benefit.  And I want to be more and more like Him.  So I chose to let my heart be lifted by His grace and let that put a happy face on me that is real.

Tags:   anger · boundaries · Christmas holiday · depression · duty · family duty · gifts · grace · Guilt · help others · holiday · Jesus · joy · loss of loved one · me focused · obligation · payment · stressNo Comments