I don’t know if it is primarily a “guy” thing but most of us guys, and especially me, are always looking at what needs to be fixed, finding solutions. I know my wife asks me to just listen, really listen, to her and not be trying to offer “fixes”.
Learning to love
• Being “present”, engaged, available.
• Offering grace, not correction
• Giving advice, solutions, fixes only when asked
• Looking for, and finding, good to praise instead of finding fault
• Serving in the small things
• Loving with their love language
• Listening from the heart, not just to hear
• Respecting their boundaries and holding mine.
I’ve come to realize that people, especially family, know when you are trying to fix them. And it implies they need fixing, that I seeing inadequacies or problems. Sure, we all have them, but if that is what I’m looking for, that is all I’ll find. I’m trying to change my “glasses” to looking for good things, successes, things to praise and complement for. Yes, there will be times when we have to deal with something needing change, but it shouldn’t be the main or only focus. No one likes it, not me, not them.
I’ve still got a long way to go in changing myself to love instead of fix. But its worth it and my relationships are getting better and better.
Go out and love!
Tags: advice · being present · boundaries · correction · fixing · grace · love · praise · serving · solutions2 Comments
Donald, this is so true and so difficult to learn! Sometimes I want solutions but first I want to be heard and know that the person I’m talking to cares unconditionally.
Are you a professional journalist? You write very well.